Monthly Archives: September 2016

Don’t Ask an Anxious Mind Why it’s Anxious.

It’s the same old thing every single day
You wake up to screams in your head
Flashes of car crashes and blinking lights
A pulse rate going down
But your heart beat going up
You feel it in your chest
You feel it in your bones
You feel it bursting through your soul
It’s like you’re thinking about things unforeseen
Things that don’t matter, things that don’t make sense
Still you see that body bag: black, grey, red
And you wonder how did you end up here
How did you make this mess

A pool of sweat wakes you up
And you check your phone to see if everything’s okay
How do you trust that piece of metal
When you can’t trust your own subconscious
It’s 3 a.m. now so go back to sleep
Forget about these voices that beg for your help
But you know you can’t do that
You know you’re going to stay up
Worrying, over-thinking, crying
About things that are so trivial, so shallow
But you can’t help it
Don’t ask an anxious mind why it’s anxious

You’re transported to that day so long ago
When someone called you a name
A name that took over your identity
You fought the pain, you laughed it away
Why didn’t you stand up and say you’re better than this
Why didn’t you tell yourself not to move on
To stay put and make a scene
Instead, you’re making a scene now
So you wipe away the tears and go back to sleep

Don’t worry about that other day when you felt so lonely
When all the demons in your head warred against the angels
And won
And you let them win
You rooted for them
Why did you tell yourself that it was okay to be the only one there for you
Why did you find happiness in being alone
To see it as a sign of strength
To be proud of yourself for surviving
Survival, huh
That thing that everyone seems to do so effortlessly
That same thing that everyone does without sleepless nights
And countless self-induced heartbreaks
By holding candles as sources of hope
Not as heat that burns your soul
Melts it
And turns it into a mould of wax
Because that’s what you are
A moulded figure that only fits
Always brimming but never overflowing
Always there but somehow invisible
Like your mind right now
That’s getting so fogged and translucent

You stop thinking because you can’t breathe
You feel your body squeezed by your thoughts
As you try to think about happy things
It doesn’t help
You close your eyes because you know that’s the only escape
The darkness gives you solace
You’re tired now so you shut your mind down
As you ask it “Why me?”
And it slyly replies
Don’t ask an anxious mind why it’s anxious.